Love Till It Hurts~a Slavic legacy~a family tradition

 One of the definitions of passion is an intense desire or enthusiasm for something. 

In her book "Singing & Swinging & Gettin Merry Like Christmas", Maya Angelou tells of her travels through Europe and the Middle east with a road show of "Porgy & Bess". While in Yugoslavia, she discovers that the Slavs are the most passionate people in Europe, perhaps the world. 

Certainly, I have been blessed (or cursed) with that aspect of my father's blood.

Our dad, at 78, doing his infamous 

"Hoochee Coochee by the Withlacoochee"

In case you missed that part of the story, Garren is my father's adopted last name. He took it from his first step-father when he was five because it sounded more "American" than Vremsak.  His father was Louis Frank Vremsak.  A separate story about that history is here:  How Louis Vremsak became Edward Voltaire Garren

My grandmother was French and Serbian.  She had grown up in orphanages all over Europe. We suspect she was a "mail order briide" which is how the Catholic church sent many adult orphans out of Europe in the early 20th century.  We only have her name on his birth certificate, except there is no record of any person with her name ever entering the U.S. so she had already changed it by the time our dad was born.

Passion is not an easy gift. Most of my life I've had a secret desire to be small, quiet and pretty. From my tall, big and loud vantage point, being demure seems like less work. I'm sure the demure among us would disagree, the grass is always greener on the other side. 

Louis/Edward in his early 20's

Just like the stories of my grandfather I've heard, and the experience of watching my father, my heart gets me in trouble. If it was only romance perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, but it's life, with all it's full richness, variations of humanity, and the generous nature of God. On some deep level, I'm just so glad to be alive, and I want to share a good thing. 

I'm drawn to other passionate people. I loved watching American philosopher Eric Hoffer talk about his life and what he'd learned. 

Maya Angelou was one of my first loves. The sharing of her struggle to embrace her "difference", and the swirling passions of her being, provided me with solace and inspiration. 

My father, like Maya, was an Aries. Perhaps one of the more passion filled signs of the western zodiac, these youthful fire signs see the world as a place to explore and conquer. Their "Devil May Care" attitude, laced with the never spoken fear of being extinguished before their time, makes for interesting times. As our mother Edna said often, "Your father was many things, boring was not one of them." 

Being his favored child (the one most like him in spirit and peresonality) meant catching the full brunt of his internal torment, which was legendary. 

Thoughts on his torment are in this story:  Ode to our Father

But it also meant I was his confidant and comrade. Our finest hours were spent in the car during my early teens, when he was collecting his "ninety day no pay" past due accounts.  

Edward Voltaire Garren was the consummate "Finance Man". In his younger days, he put Commercial Credit of Tampa Florida on the business map. He built up their business from a small office, to the largest consumer credit company in Tampa. They financed autos, furniture, appliances, and home improvements. His innovative style moved the corporation into strategic niche markets, easily eclipsing the competition.  He was an early pioneer in the consumer credit industry. He enjoyed helping people, and helping people with money problems fulfilled that passion of his, even if they got behind with their payments.

In Dade City he managed a loan company, American Finance. Years later I would run into people who would tell me that his willingness to take a chance on them financially had changed their lives. 

One, the first Black Bail Bonds woman in the state of Florida, Mary Alice Dorsett, recounted how he had lent her money to put down on her first piece of commercial property in Tampa. She was a single mother, an entrepreneur in the early 1960s and against all odds, he had lent her the final $600 she needed for the down payment. When I asked him about it, he simply stated, "I knew her people, they were all honest and hard working.  Mary Alice Dorsett is listed in the Hillsborough County Women’s Hall of Fame. Mary Alice Dorsett Pioneering Black business woman and other articles relating to the history of Tampa.

My father and I would ride together and he would tell the stories of his life, and his passions in between his stops to get payments. He was a pro and I learned a lot from him. 

If you've ever seen "Big  Fish", my father was his own version of Edward Bloom and he cut a wide swath on the path of life. 

One evening, during one of our travels, riding through the swamp in our 1961 Corvair Monza, he shared with me one of his inner secrets. "We're not like most people, we've been given a special gift, we have the ability to remind people they are special.  Most people spend lives of quiet desperation, and no one ever notices them. You and I light up a room when we walk into it. You should always take the time to share yourself with people. Remember their names, tell them a joke or a funny story, help them to laugh, give them a moment that makes them feel special, because they are, but few take the time to remind them of it." 

My father left a trail of folks that felt special for having known him. I've tried to honor his legacy, even when it hurts. I think this is the nature of creation and of God, to love till it hurts. Otherwise life gets routine all too quickly. 

Our dad was born on April 4th, 1909.